Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
