Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize