Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
