My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
