I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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