Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You made out with two different species that night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
