Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize