i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
