To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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