she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
