my shit smells like andre
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
