put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
