Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Operation Purity has been aborted
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
