He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Damn victory sex feels great
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
