So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
