You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
