I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
