I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
