let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
