My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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