If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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