he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
