You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
