yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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