If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
