its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
