This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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