we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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