do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
