I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
