he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
