I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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