i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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