Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can text with my tongue
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
