god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
