I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
