Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want a musical about memes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
