i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
