Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
