Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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