I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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