is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
