I will die if light touches me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
