I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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