I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
