i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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