Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize