Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
