Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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