You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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