$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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