I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize