I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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