you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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