I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
