I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
