Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
