the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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