Redeem this text for a blowjob
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
