My hand turned me down
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
