you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
