he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
