I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
