Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
