I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
