Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
