he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
