sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
