i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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