Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
