I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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