I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize