I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
