...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
