he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize