Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
