Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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