Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
