they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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