Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
