I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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