Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
