Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize