come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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