I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
