She said her name was "party"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize