why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
