i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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