Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
