i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
pray to the hookup gods
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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