I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
