apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
